This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
