I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
