she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
