I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
