Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize