you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
