Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
