We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
