My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
