I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
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I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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