ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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