i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
birth control should be required to get into college
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
