If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
