Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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