too bad you live with your parents still
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
