we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
