So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
