I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
