If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
