do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
