He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
