I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
