Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
