oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
