We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
