did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
