Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
