I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
