I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
