What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
