ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
