cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I had to cum in my sink.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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