you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
God, I missed his penis.
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