Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I am available for nakedness
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
