You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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