so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
