Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
