There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just gargled with NyQuil
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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