Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
