I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
