For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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