where am i from again
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
