All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
