My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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