im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
