craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I am one with the molecules
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
