You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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