The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
