So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
lets start a swedish sibling band together
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
