Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
