its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
