they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
