She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
