i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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