At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
