i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Mom said you looked used
I think I sprained my soul last night
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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