break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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