I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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