when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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