i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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